Random Insert
by LucifersCousin
Summary: Two random girls get dropped into the world of hellsing and end up causing so much insanity, chaos, and hilarity that you just have to wonder if the author of this thing is stoned. Eventual romance. Not the actual author, just posting this for a friend.


A/N: This story is not actually mine. A friend of mine wrote her own random self-insert story and asked me to post it since she's too damn lazy to make her own fanfic account. I would also like to say that the time between posts is entirely dependent on my ability to decipher her chicken scratch, so it might take a while to get the whole story up and I apologize in advance. I would also like to state that for the most part, I'm sticking with what she wrote and how she wrote it. So any constructive criticism you may have, please aim at my friend and not me.

Disclaimer: My friend and I lay no claim to anything hellsing beyond the plot of this story and the randomly created people who may or may not make an appearance.

Chapter One

* * *

Our story starts at the Salem Oregon Transit Mall. The place was fairly crowded for a saturday evening, and people milled about in a form of semi-controlled chaos. Over the sounds of people talking, shuffling feet and the occasional cry of someone's child comes the excessively loud yelling of one of our two unsuspecting heroines.

"Alex! Hurry up or we're gonna miss our bus!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming."

"Not fast enough you're not!"

"Alright already! Don't get yer panties in a twist."

The afore-mentioned Alex stood at an intimidating six-foot-six; she was easily one of the tallest people there at the Transit Mall. And she had the figure to match the height. Broad shoulders, a generous c-cup, bordering on d-cup, bust, a trim waist, rounded hips, and mile long legs all combined to give a body most women would kill for. Combined with her wonderful figure was the evidence of a woman who knew how to kick ass. Her arms, while not bulging with muscles, were clearly defined, along with her abs, proving that she worked out regularly. Around her right arm was a tribal looking tattoo that ran from her finger tips to her shoulder. Around her navel was a three ring pentagram, complete with Wiccan symbols that no one could understand but recognized. It covered a good portion of her stomach. She wore faded black jeans that hugged her firm ass and were covered from the knee down by heavy black combat boots. Her top was a black shirt that really didn't look that much different from a sports bra. Her jewelry consisted of a pair of silver ankh earrings with matching pendant, a simple black choker, a studded leather band on her left wrist, and some rather nasty looking finger armor (one on her left middle finger, one on her right index finger, and one on her right middle finger). Her face was balance between classical beauty and harsh features. She had high, sharp cheekbones, finely arched brows, heavy lidded eyes, a nose that was sharp yet pert, full luscious lips, a strong jaw line, and a chin that was somewhere between squared and rounded. Combined with the way her long hair was pulled back into a rather harsh French braid, and the scowl of mild irritation on her face, it was clear to see why the crowd was parting like the red sea before her as she made her way toward her friend.

"Finally! Took you long enough!" said a girl who was the almost exact opposite of Alex.

This girl stood at an unimpressive four-foot-four, and looked like a pixie. She had short multi-colored hair, and sharp pixie-ish features. Her clothes' were almost as bad as her hair. A long multi-colored, gauze like skirt, matching shirt, shoes so bright they were blinding, and myriad of almost neon colored jewelry. In all honesty she looked like some crazy manga artists creation come to life. It was easy to see why she was getting more stares than her friend.

Alex, who was used to her friends overly eccentric fashion sense, didn't so much as blink at the way she was dressed.

"Would you cut it out Liddi? I made it didn't I? And we haven't missed the bus yet. So just cool it. Yer starting to annoy me."

Liddi pouted childishly. "But it's so much fun to annoy you."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

"You're no fun!"

"It's taken you how long to realize this?"

"Ugh!"

A small smirk formed at the sound of Liddi's exasperation. It was plain to see that Alex gained quite a bit of entertainment from ruining her friend's fun. Their semi-argument was interrupted by the sound of the bus doors opening to admit the waiting crowd of impatient passengers.

The girls grabbed their bags and shuffled onto the bus with the other passengers. After finding their seats and settling down Alex pulled out a book while Liddi grabbed her sketch-pad and began doodling randomly. Twenty minutes, six chapters, and thirteen mutated mushroom fairies later they were putting away their things and getting off the bus in front of their desired destination, also known as Borders Book Store.

Almost ten minutes and two impressive stacks of books later, the girls were getting ready to pay for their purchases and leave when, with a pre-emptive bang, the lights suddenly went out.

"What was that?" queried Liddi as she set down her books and pulled a flashlight out of her bag.

"I would assume it was the electricity shutting off, but I could be wrong." Alex replied sarcastically while setting down her own stack of books.

Liddi rolled her eyes in an exasperated manner.

"I knew 'that'! I was actually referring to the reason the electricity went out!"

"Ahh. Next time phrase your questions in a more coherent manner."

"Ugh! Why do I even bother associating with you? Let alone try to talk to you!"

"Because," Alex stated as if she were addressing a small child. "Somebody has to keep you from doing stupid things. If I wasn't around to control you, you'd at the top of every countries most wanted list for being so damn annoying and you know it."

Liddi opened her mouth to fire off a retort when she suddenly stopped and closed it with a disgruntled look on her face. She absolutely hated it when Alex was right and began to sulk in a dejected manner. The smug look on her friends face only served to make her sulk even harder.

"I hate when you're right." She muttered.

"I know. And in answer of your earlier question, I haven't got a clue why the electricity went out. It would probably be a good idea to go take a look around and see if anyone else knows."

Nodding Liddi bent down to retrieve her books before walking through the aisles looking for other people.

"Why are you taking the books?" Alex asked, puzzled.

"So that I don't have to come back for them later if this ends up being a fixable situation." She explained to her friend in a matter-of-fact tone.

"That's actually a decent idea." Was Alex's only reply as she too retrieved her books and followed after Liddi.

Almost ten minutes later the two were standing near the front of the store and feeling very confused. They had walked through just about every section of the store and hadn't run into a single person.

"Okay this is weird. I know this place usually has a low percentage of people shopping here, but I've never seen the place completely empty before!" Liddi exclaimed. Alex couldn't help but agree.

"Perhaps everyone else left when the lights went out." She suggested. "Most people would be pretty freaked at being in a book store at night with no lights after all."

"That's true." Conceded Liddi.

They stood there in silence for a few moments before Alex spoke up once more.

"Well," she began, "We've got two choices as far as I can see. We can leave and come back some other time to buy our books, or we can go check the back of the store which is the only place we haven't been so far. Personally I'm all for going home at this point. What do you want to do?"

Liddi thought about it for a moment.

"I admit we should probably just leave, but something tells me we oughtta check out the back first. You game?"

Alex merely shrugged her shoulders.

"Like I said it's up to you. You wanna check out the back of the store before we leave, then I'm not gonna stop you."

"Well you're no help." She grumbled. "Fine then. We're checkin out the back! Onward!"

With a flamboyant flourish Liddi began heading for the back of the store. Rolling her eyes at her friends childish antics Alex followed. Soon they were navigating their way through the stacks of boxes and books that comprised the back of the store, also known as the storage area. After a few fruitless minutes they were ready to leave and simply come back another time when they heard what sounded like shuffling feet followed by a stack of boxes being knocked over. Curiosity peaked they cautiously made their way towards the disturbance. What they found was a mess of spilled books spread across the floor, with no sign of the person responsible for the mess.

"Huh. Well that's definitely odd." Alex muttered.

"Yeah." Agreed Liddi. "Think they heard us and got scared off?"

"Most likely. Think we should clean the mess up?"

Liddi thought about it for a moment.

"Nah. We didn't cause it, plus we don't really know where any of it is supposed to go, so it's probably better if we just left it." She said whilst turning to leave when a small red light at the edge of her vision caught her attention. Turning back towards the mess of literature she saw that the light was coming from a glowing book. Walking towards it she called Alex who was a few feet away,

"Hey Alex! Come look at this would you! It's glowing!"

Alex looked toward her friend to see what she was going on about and noticed the book just as Liddi was about to pick it up. Getting a bad feeling about the whole situation she hurried to stop her.

"Liddi no! Don't touch that!"

But she was too late. She managed to grab hold of her friend just as the glow from the book intensified, engulfing them both in flash of red light. When the light dissipated the girls were gone. All that remained in their place was the book the light had come from, laying ever so innocently on the ground. The two friends had no idea just how much trouble they were about to encounter.

* * *

ME: Well there you have it folks. Chapter one of this utterly weird story. Can I go back to sleep now?

FRIEND: Oh stop complaining and start typing the next chapter of my story.

ME: Type it yerself you crazy b*tch. Yer fingers ain't broken.

FRIEND: I wrote it down on paper so I wouldn't have to type it. That's your job.

ME: Whatever. Btw, I know little miss insane pixie is supposed to be you, but who's the scary witch b*tch?

FRIEND: That's you.

ME: WHAT? You jckass! Why the hell'd you make me a woman?

FRIEND: Cause I was bored. Get over it.

ME: Oh I am so gonna be killing you later.

FRIEND: Whatever. R&R people.


End file.
